The Lowest Of Things
by therussianbookworm
Summary: This is a story about Armand and Lestat from the Vampire Chronicles. Not a SLASH.Not enough information? Why don't you click and see what is inside? No Vampires were hurt in the making of this fanfiction. Completed.Over all REVIEW!


The Lowest of Things

padmedelacour

Disclaimer: I own Zip, Zing Nada Oh! I don't watch these shows so , If I get some of the things that they believe in wrong.. Sorry! This is not meant to insult anyone!

Summery:We all know that Lestat and Armand have had a bad past. We all know that they get into fights. But! How low can they go? To The TV of course! This a little story on what happens when Armand and Lestat want to watch to TV at the same time.

Warning: Randomness...MAJOR CAT FIGHT...! I know Marius didn't ' make' Lestat. Don't worry this is the blond Lestat not ' the other one'

Louis walked into the house expecting to hear the same thing he always hears when he gets home... Fighting. It was almost always between Armand and Lestat. Most of the time it was about something stupid. But, Louis got a little surprise. He opened the door ... Quiet. He went to the living room and found his daughter Liv sitting on the couch reading a book.

" Where are Lestat and Armand?" Louis asked Liv.

" Lestat is at a concert and Armand went out to feed," Liv said casually. Then Louis had an idea.

" You know how Armand and Lestat fight about the stupidest things?" Louis asked. Liv shook her head.  
" Well, How about we go to my house and watch what they do at 4:00 , I herd that is when they act the stupidest." Louis said.  
" That would spying, right?" She asked.

" Technically yes, but that is when they fight over the _TV_. And we're doing this for their sanity." Louis answered.

So the next day instead of walking home from school Liv waited until Louis picked her up. From there, they went to their house.

( Louis just always visits them, he has a house with his daughter) Louis sat down down on the bed next to Liv and turned on the TV. Louis was right they did get into a fight. Today just happened to be one of the worst fights. Here is how it went...

Lestat was sitting on the couch watching Oprah, when Armand raced in and took the remote from Lestat.

getting to the best pa" Hey! Why did you do that! They were rt where they find out if the man is the father!" Lestat said angerily.

" Too Bad! Dr. Phil is on ! I already missed half of it! Who cares about Oprah! Dr. Phil is THE king of TV." Armand said proudly.

This just made Lestat mad. Armand turned the channel, Dr. Phil was making his point about how he thought that this guy cheated on his wife. Armand was already getting into the program. " Yeah! Go Get 'Em PHIL!" Armand would scream every 5 seconds.Lestat pouted for a moment. He wasn't going to let Armand win, Not without a fight.

" NO FAIR! Oprah will ALWAYS be **the **QUEEN of TV!" Lestat wailed. With that he pulled Armand's hair and grabbed the remote.

" YEOW!!!!" Armand yelled.  
" Ha HA! Oprah will always be THE queen of TV!" Lestat yelled in triumph. Armand was furious! He pounced on Lestat. When he was sitting on Lestat. He threw his head back and wailed..." NOOOOO! Doctor Phil is the King of TV! " Armand said Wailing.

Back At Louis's...

Louis and Liv were looking at the screen wide-eyed , mouths open. Finally, Louis was the one to speak.

" Wow , this is _stupidest _fight I have ever seen! Almost worse than Jerry Springer!" Louis exclaimed.

" This is the lowest ANYONE can go when it comes to fighting!" Liv said agreeing.

Then Liv got an idea...

"Hey dad! Is it possible to be fast enough to go there and take the remote from Armand?" Liv asked Louis. Louis shrugged.

" Don't know, let me try it out," So Louis did. He grabbed the remote and raced back at the nick of time.  
" Wow! I can't believe I survived that mess! " Louis commented.

" Do what lots of people do when they accomplish something. Make a T-Shirt of course!" Liv said.

" Hey! That isn't that bad of an idea... Oh Look! I think they found out the remote is gone!" Louis said happily.

At Author's desk...

Author frantically looks at notes. " This isn't supposed to be happening! My own chara.. Anne Rice gives Authoress evil look Whoops! I mean.. Anne Rice's Characters have deserted us! Louis CAN'T be happy! It wasn't supposed to be!"  
sobs hysterically Marius comes through the door  
Author looks up at him wide eyed. Marius ignores author... ( Awe Man!) looks through the notes frantically. Marius gasps.

" Dear God! This is worse than the time I lost my red velvet coat! Dear God! Dear God! " Marius had to stop to breathe... Inhales loudly

" Dear God! My two best fleddlings have gone crazy! Well... I have always been suspicious of Armand... But Still! Why Me!!!" Marius says hysterically. sobs

" OOOO! Look what they are doing now!" the authoress said surprised..  
" Oh Boy! Let's watch!" Marius said now happy.  
" I'll go get the popcorn!" races to get popcorn chomps down happily, and gets 'close' to Marius.

Armand screamed. " AHHHH! What did you do with Oprah!" Armand gasped.

" OOOOO HOOO! Look who likes Oprah now!" Lestat said in triumph.

" No, No, No , No , NO ,NO ! I didn't' mean that! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH DOCTOR PHIL BLONDIE!" Armand screamed whacking Lestat... Armand grabbed the scissors...

Louis grabs the remote and the remote and presses the ' Off ' button. Louis crackled evilly.

" Ha! No one will EVER call me weak ever again! This is almost better than playing with fire! " Louis said happily.

Liv rolled her eyes. " I thought you said you _work_ with fire." Liv said. Louis grinned

" I also use it against those who appose me! Now, Let's watch!" Louis said.

Meanwhile Lestat and Armand were getting into a violent fight. With biting, scratching, insults ( lord there were plenty of those!) Screaming, Kicking, Hair Pulling, Punching.

All those sudden there was silence, except the very hard breathing coming from the two vampires. The were petrified by the silence.

No applause, no objecting audience .. Nothing. Lestat still trying to pin Armand, who was still breathing hard, said,

" TV go dark!" Armand lifted his head just enough where he could see the TV, but not enough to get whacked by Lestat.

Armand gasped, what Lestat said was true! They both raced up to the big screen. And bowed.

" Oh Great TV! Oh Great TV! Oh PLEASE turn back on, so I can watch Dr. Phil/ Oprah!"

Louis and Liv were now rolling on the floor laughing. Louis had tears in his eyes.

" Oh! Oh! Oh... This is...great! " Louis said gasping for breath.  
" Dad.. give me the .. remote." Liv said. She turned the TV , she turned to a different channel. On came the ...

Lestat and Armand stopped bowing to the TV.  
" It worked! Just in time for the next episode of Oprah!" Lestat said happily.  
" Yeah! You mean the next episode of Dr. Phil," Armand said. Before Lestat could object, the commercial ended and on came the... THE VIEW!!!!!!!!!!!

Lestat and Armand screamed.  
" AHH! NOT THE VIEW! ANYTHING BUT THE VIEW! OH PRECIOUS ONE!" They said at the same time.

Louis and Liv' herd their pleads' Liv looked at her father and asked.

" I thought Larry King was the King of TV?" Louis shrugged.  
" Actually, no one is, It is all a matter of opinion." Liv shrugged.

" Lestat and Armand won't be happy about that King Or Queen of TV." Liv commented.  
" Nope, What now?" Louis asked.  
" How about we punish them? By making them watch... whispers in Louis's ear. Louis looked at her wide eyed.

" Sneaky! How about you be my partner in crime?" He asked.  
" Okay! " She said joyfully. Picking up the remote and turning to...

The TV then turned to a different channel. Lestat and Armand sat themselves back on to the couch and looked at the screen , unable to move.

On the screen was...Barney and Friends! Lestat and Armand screamed.  
" AHH! Why is the great one punishing us!?" Lestat wailed. That was all they could say for a LONG time. It just so happened that they where beginning a MARATHON!

They didn't even notice Louis and Liv coming through the door. ( Guess, they decided to spend the night over there) They slowly and quietly made their way through the house, that was when Louis noticed that he still had the remote. Liv noticed,

" What are you going to do with the remote, dad?" Liv asked.  
" Well, I WAS going to put it where they could see it... I'll just hide it. Come, Let us go to sleep," Louis said . He smirked as he passed the two brainwashed vampires.  
" I don't think they'll ever be the same ever again." Liv said.  
" I agree." Louis said. And they headed upstairs to get ready for bed.

Back at the author's house... Whoops! I mean Authoress.. Excuse me.. House...

Marius: Well that was um... interesting?

Authoress: Yeah, Smiling In A dreamy way

Marius: Well! It is official those two are officially Idiots! Hey! To make me forget this... Want to come to my place!  
Authoress: Sure!  
And they walked off happily, Living happily ever after, ( And in Immortality! Why is not a surprise that every time Marius meets someone he turns them?) Oh and the Authoress GOT LOTS of REVIEWS! ( Please?)

Authoress Note: I hope I at Least made you smile. I warned you it would be random. Oh wait.. there is a LITTLE more... Scroll yes, scroll,

After getting a really nice review:

Anne Rice reads the review " What! Better than The Vampire Lestat! cough Cough GRRR! That makes me mad!  
Flips over tables and chairs

AR: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Far Away...

Louis: Did you hear something?  
Liv: Must have been Lestat. They are STILL Watching Barney!  
Louis: I thought it would just annoy the crap out of them. Not Turn them into women!  
Liv: Lestat is a girl? I KNEW IT!

THE REAL END

Come on press the button. You know you want too...


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